Strength and Love

I am weak. I am nothing on my own, and I am reminded of that quite often.

However, menacing obstacles that I thought I'd never overcome in my life, I've been able to conquer when I've gained strength out of my love for someone.

But when that person has been kind of cut out of your life (even if only temporarily), it's hard to find that strength to keep up the fight (because some battles are never really finished). And I don't trust myself enough to try and lean on my own strength because I know where that's gotten me in the past. I am weak and nothing on my own.

I can't be strong for myself. I've wondered if that's because I don't really have a lot of love for myself. I mean, I don't really consider myself much of an important person, and I usually put my desires behind those of others. Maybe if I loved myself more, it'd be easier to be stronger for myself ("You'll never share real love...until you love yourself...I should know")? I don't hate myself or anything...but I don't really know how much I love myself. That's a weird thing to think about anyways. And a bit self-centered. Anyways.

Where I was trying to get to before I went on tangents... is that I need to obviously keep growing in my love for God. I need to make Him my best friend. To tell Him everything that's on my mind and that's troubling me. And to make sure to thank Him for all the little joys in life. He needs to be my top priority relationship.

And I need to TRUST. Blindly trust that whatever has happened in my life is part of His will even though I might not be the biggest fan of it right now. And move forward, from where He's placed me instead of where I was expecting to be placed. And trust that He'll take care of me and those I love. I need to take after the Blessed Mother and become His handmaiden. Let it be done to me according to thy word.

By growing in love of and by trusting in God, I can gain that strength I so dearly lack on my own.
"I have the strength for everything through Him who empowers me."-Phil 4:13

"...let us rid ourselves of every burden and sin that clings to us and persevere in running the race that lies before us while keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus, the leader and perfecter of faith."-Hebrews 12: 1-2

(sorry this post didn't really flow well or come together. but it's kinda late and I'm tired. >_<)