IOU

This is just a reminder for me to write something before the weekend's out. I've been kinda slacking since school let out haha. I've wanted to write something, and it's not like I haven't had the time to...Goodness knows I've been sleeping/bumming around wayyy too much lately. I just haven't set aside time to reflect on things and have been wasting too much time. So if anybody reads this, and I don't have anything posted by Monday...Feel free to scold me. =)

P.S. Computer parts should come in tomorrow. Score.

O.o

You know the way for me, you know the time

into your hands I trustingly place mine.

Your plan is perfect, born of perfect love.

You know the way for me, that is enough.

It's funny...stuff happens in your life, and you think God's telling you one thing, you think you know what you want, then next thing you know, He pulls a complete 180 on you, and you're like"wdtem?"

But then again, there's the times when you read too much into things. So again, wdtem?

...For I want my whole life to be nothing else

than a continuous, and everlasting yes

to the wishes, to the will of God,

the Eternal Father.

This is my desire, to be used by You.

Weathering the Storm...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-he2DohfwWE

Hold Us Together by Matt Maher

It don't have a job
Don't pay your bills
Won't buy you a home
In Beverly Hills

Won't fix your life
In five easy steps
Ain't the law of the land
Or the government

But it's all you need..

Love, will, hold us together
Make us a shelter to weather the storm

And I'll, be, my brothers keeper
So the whole world will know
That we're not alone

It's waiting for you
Knockin' at your door
Every moment of truth
When your heart hits the floor

When you're on your knees then...

Love, will, hold us together
Make us a shelter
to weather the storm

And I'll, be, my brothers keeper
So the whole world will know
That we're not alone

This is the first, day of the rest of your life
This is the first, day of the rest of your life
'Cause even in the dark you can still see the light
It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright

Love, will, hold us together
Make us a shelter
to weather the storm

And I'll, be, my brothers keeper
So the whole world will know
That we're not alone

I love this song

Sometimes...

we get so caught up in our own lives...in our own problems...that we fail to see what's going on with those around us. And that really is a fail. An epic one. I want to always be someone people can come to if there's something bothering them...I mean, I might not always know what to say, but I want to be there to at least listen...or just be there...if...there is a load...that you have to bear...

*cue Lean On Me*

Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box...

So, I'm sitting here listening to Owl City since it's usually my pick-me-up music, but instead, it just sent my mind on a wild rampage of thinking haha. *sigh* I wish I could just stop over-analyzing everything. It's an annoying problem of mine. I mean really, it's dumb and causes unnecessary stress and anxiety haha. (Ok, switching from OC to angsty/ventable N2N(actually, that's not helping either...))

*twenty minutes later*

So I was unable to vent on the piano(my preferred choice) because my roomie and his girlfriend are currently asleep, so...I decided to turn off my music...and just pray. Offer it all up. And what do you know? It helped! haha who'da thunk it? But really. My head's rather shut up at the moment. It's nice. =)

And since I did title this blog with lyrics from The Beatles...

I find myself in times of trouble...Mother Mary comes to me.

Speaking words of wisdom...Let It Be.

^^That is something I need to work on.

**Thoughts 12 hours later**

I'm silly. That is all.

**back to life**

I Love:

The Rosary. And Mass. And Jesus. And singing. And my friends. And palm crosses.

These are a few of my favorite things...that made tonight so good.

That is all. =)

Relationships: The Quadrilogy

So....it's been a good while since I've actually posted an entry. I've actually began a few entries, but none of them ever got to a finalized state haha. I was thinking about this last night (along with many other things), and I think it's because I'm being more self-conscious about what I write here now that people other than KJ know this blog exists(thank you Wayne Wang & Allyson =p) and might actually read it. O.o But that shouldn't bother me...so I'm not going to let it haha. Also, blogging takes up a lot of time, and it's hard to find not only just enough time to, but to be in the mood to...Anywho, enough rambling...on to the real stuff...

*Post finishing edit: This is more of a backstory to my life prior to college. I don't really share much about it with people, but here goes...(cue 'I Should Tell You')*

Relationships. Such complicatedly beautiful things. Or is it beautifully complicated? Or am I just being redundant? haha. Anyways...(I want some waffle fries...fo' free...(I keep getting distracted! >_<)) relationships have always been a weird area of my life. Not just the boyfriend-girlfriend kind (not that I have any room to speak there as I've never had a girlfriend), but those between friends, family, etc. Growing up, I never really had a "best friend". From like middle school through high school, I was one of the "smart kids", very socially awkward, and had trouble keeping a conversation going with people. This was pretty much the story up till about junior year of high school. I mean I had several good friends once high school came around, but our main connection was the topic of video games haha. This is also probably why I had almost no female friends up till that point. I mean, I'd had the same crush from 7th grade through 10th grade which never amounted to anything because I always got nervous when talking to said person haha.

Something rather pathetic about sophomore year...I used to frequent this music forum where I spent a good deal of time browsing/posting on. This forum was probably what started off my whole addiction to the internet. And seriously, I probably had as many friends on there as I did irl/school haha. The realization of this made me see how lame I was and how I wasted pretty much a whole year of school (half of which I slept away). So before junior year came around, I told myself I was going to make more friends. Particularly female ones and even set the goal of having a girlfriend(looking back on this, it just sounds silly haha). And oddly enough, by the time senior year came around I had probably more female friends than guy ones. Still no girlfriend though. I mean, the concept of having good female friends was still new to me. I still had trouble communicating well with people, and the first attempt at the whole girlfriend thing was an epic fail and was followed by a few months of awkwardness. Fun times especially since we both had tennis together every day. xp So after giving up on that situation (a few months afterwards), I decided to not force the issue of finding a girlfriend, but decided that I'd just go with the flow, and whatever happened happened. Not too long after this, I began to notice my friend (who I'd had a bit of a crush on the year before, but then got distracted from/more distant from because of the previously mentioned person), but alas, I discovered she was dating someone already. This kinda bummed me out, but in attempts to make up for the time I spent ignoring her (another dumb idea of mine) I started talking to her more to at least bring back our friendship. This actually went rather well.

Going off on a small tangent, senior year I had my first experience of people liking me. And me actually knowing haha. Me being me, I had no idea really how to handle this. Especially since I liked another person at the moment. And I didn't reciprocate their feelings...one actually kind of approached me about it(online), but then she realized I liked someone else...I think I handled it as best as I could at the time though...

Back to the previous topic...so after restoring the friendship between Liz and I...(haha yeah...name...I know >.<) life was going pretty well. So another goal I'd made for senior year was to go to prom. I was going to go junior year...with Liz, but then she'd already been asked, and I didn't know who to ask/was too chicken to ask anyone else...so of course, me being me, I didn't. So prom was getting near...and I was thinking "ok, you're not going by yourself because that would be lame." *when I talk to myself, I talk in second person* So this situation was bugging me like crazy because I wanted to go with Liz, but she was still dating that guy. Prom kept getting closer and closer...I was a day away from asking someone else... like seriously haha. But kept putting it off because there was a little part of me still hoping. I get home that afternoon, check fb, see a new message, and funnily enough, it's a message from Liz telling me that she and her bf broke up. I jumped in excitement on the inside. I know that sounds mean, but...why would she tell me that? So I'm like "Sweet! Prom problem solved!" But then the question of "How long do I wait to ask her?" because of the whole she just broke up with her boyfriend situation. But I did eventually, in the lamest way/situation possible during calc class when we were alone-ish enough, and she said...she'd have to think about it. xp But thankfully, that eventually turned into a yes. =p

Now, you're probably wondering why I didn't ask her out officially...well being seniors and whatnot, we were all deciding on where we were going from here(college and whatnot)...so I'd been accepted to UT and already for sure going here while she was up in the air. It was down to UT and Arkansas...well she didn't apply for housing early like you should have because she wasn't sure if she was coming here...so the only housing she could get was supplemental or at a co-ed dorm, and her mom wanted her in a girl only dorm...so she ended up deciding to go to Arkansas. Which of course bummed the heck out of me. Like the whole time I'd said to myself, "If she picks UT, you're going to ask her out." But alas...that didn't pan out. And I was like, "if I ask her out and something does happen, it'd only be for a few months before she goes off to Arkansas, and then what?" And that's about as close to a girlfriend I'd come in life haha. She's still one of my best friends from high school. We stayed in touch a lot last year though not as much this year. She is also greatly responsible for my obsession with: musicals(namely Wicked), Pride & Prejudice, Audrey Hepburn/older movies, Taylor Swift/Motion City Soundtrack/The Beatles, chickflicks, the song "Lucky", and a lot of other things. We haven't kept in touch as much this year due to both of us being rather busy, but I did get to see her, for the first time since Wicked in August, this past Friday at Phantom when she was back for Spring Break which was nice. =) But I think we're just good friends now. And I'm perfectly happy with that because I've learned so much from this. As I do with every new relationship I form with a person. Hence why I love meeting new people and getting to know them. Even if I am a bit awkward at it at first still haha.

Well this was a bit of a backstory to my life. Haha goodness that was long. See? This is why I don't blog often. =p But if I do get around to it, I'll finish the other parts to this-relationships with: my family, friends, and ultimately, God.

I hope you survived reading that. Haha I'm scared to post this. Ah well...

-nin-Justin J-town Appletree

P.S.

And then I found $5.