To Have and to Hold...

In the light of things that have occurred over the past few weeks, I've decided that I'm going to start praying not just for my future spouse (if I end up being called to that vocation), but the future spouses of all of you. I love you guys so freaking much. And you all deserve someone amazing/that is worthy of being your spouse. So.

Dear Lord,

Please watch over those people in the world that you have called to be the future spouses of the people in my life. Keep them pure, holy, and chaste. Regardless of whether or not they are in their lives already, form them, keep their hearts close to Yours, so that one day, when the time is right, they can be the people that journey, side by side with these people that are so close to my heart, towards You and heaven.

So basically...

I've had a lot of things on my mind lately. Thinking a lot about stuff that's happened in just the past year. Evaluating certain situations, deciding on what to do about something, then two minutes later changing my mind. It's crazy what all can happen in the time span of a year. How do you even begin to measure it? Tell me Rent. So much ridiculousness has happened the past two semesters, and this upcoming one doesn't look like it will be letting up any...Of course, with all the craziness/stress, there have been oh so many great times, and I am quite excited about what is coming up this year...I dunno. A small part of me just wishes I could just say everything that's been on my mind lately...but to do that now would just be selfish of me. And of no help to anyone. But maybe one day. Because I feel like I do owe some of you that...eventually.

And I'm tired and don't really know what I just wrote, but whatevs.

Oh hey emo/angsty-ness. I'll try and make the next post not so much of a downer to balance out this one haha.

Every Blessing You Pour Out...

I am sooo ridiculously blessed to have so many amazing people in my life. I have five (hopefully the fifth comes in today...) crazy awesome roommates, my friends...I can't even find a good enough adjective to describe how lucky I am to have you guys...seriously, and my family...even though we don't always see eye to eye...they've always been there for me. Like, I don't even know how I've come to have all of you in my life, but I'm so grateful that I do.

Every blessing...I'll turn back to praise. So thank you God for placing all of these people in my life because each and every one of them has truly been a blessing to me. Thank you for all that we've shared together and be with us as we begin the new school year. Help us with any struggles we may currently be facing that through You, and with the help of each other, we can overcome whatever stands in our way.

Let Love tear down these walls...because You are Love. =)

Update

I had actually started another post last Sunday, but since about five days have passed since then, I figured I'd start a new one haha.

So Monday was the official move-in day for our apartment, but the place called and actually let us move stuff in early on Saturday. So I got most of the big things moved in then and just had to bring in the desk and the rest of my small things in on Monday. Having my family there to help organize things definitely helped move things along. Went back home to help my mom with some computer stuff/finally fix our home computer, then drove back to the ATX that night. We discovered that one of the people that previously lived in our apartment was still getting his Netflix delivered here. So of course, we had to open it up to see what movie it was. It was Greenstreet Hooligans which turned out being pretty sweet-tastic. We dubbed the Netflix person "The Oracle" and sent the movie back to see what The Oracle had next in store for us. The next morning was Harry's 21st birthday which we started off with breakfast out on the balcony and a Costco/HEB run. While at Costco, Harry saw this giant 53" teddy bear, so of course, he had to buy it. And honestly, he's been an amazing investment so far. He's an awesome snuggle buddy, and he's been doubling as Meg's bed while she stays here for the next week-ish. After running errands, some of Harry and Meg's Pines friends came to visit. They made us dinner and baked a cake for H-dub. Both were pretty delish. And somewhere in the middle of all of that, we (Harry, Mike, Meg, and I) signed up to audition for American Idol.

We got up at about 5:30 the next morning (the alarms had been set for 5 which only really Meg got up at that time), and the four of us walked over to the Erwin Center with two guitars and a cajon. There were probably a bajillion people lined up outside when we got there, and there was a guy telling everyone in the giant crowd what to do as they were filming stuff for the show. Sadly, we got there a bit too late, so we missed out on that. Once inside, we were greeted by Ryan Seacrest, and some other guy got us(everyone in the center) to sing some stuff that they also shot for the show which was pretty cool since they split up the guys and girls. After that we had a heck of a long wait, but we met some pretty cool people. We got bored sitting inside after a few hours, so we went outside where there was more space to jam. It started off with just the four of us and Joe(a guy from Denton that we met there), and after a while, more people started to gather around. That was definitely one of the high points of the day. I love how music has the power to bring random people who had never met before together like that. Well, after about 8 hours of waiting, our section was finally called up to audition. Meg actually managed to sneak in early because she had to leave for boxing class before 5, but Harry, Mike, and I went up together. I must say, Harry's rendition of Rock Jesus Loves Me was probably the best thing ever. Mike and I, along with a random girl in the group behind us, did backing vocals. It was awesome. None of us made it, but it was still a lot of fun. =) After all of that craziness, we were all dead tired pretty much and just kinda crashed in the apartment for the rest of the day.

The next day, Meg, Harry, and I got up for 8 am mass at St. Austin's then came back to the apartment (to a still asleep Mike) then headed out to Guitar Center and HEB. We picked up Laura, another Pines person, on the way over. We got Meg's guitar fixed, found possible cymbals to go with the cajon, jammed out to Christ is Risen while 'testing' out the different ones, and found a really cheap acoustic bass that might need to be bought at a later date... After that, we got some food stuffs for lunch at HEB and came home to cook it. It turned out rather scrumptious, and after hanging out for a few hours, I had to head back home to Temple for a dinner that our youth minister was having for all of us who helped out during the summer. It'd been a good several hours since lunch by the time I got there, so I was pretty hungry by then. The food they'd prepared was amazing. Steak, chicken, sausage, corn on the cob, beans, and more. Needless to say, my stomach was satisfied. We played a game afterwards which was pretty fun. The girls beat the guys, so I guess they're not the worst all of the time(though MJ would beg to differ)...

The next morning(this one's), I helped my mom with some quick stuff on the computer, then I drove back up to the ATX. Harry and Mike were actually just leaving as I was walking in, so I said bye to them for the next few days. John actually came by not too long afterwards to drop some stuff off as Meg was taking off for boxing class. Since the apartment was empty, John actually invited me over to his house in Round Rock for dinner, and I got to meet his mom and brother which was cool. And I had steak for dinner two nights in a row. Awesomeness. xD Then we both came back to the apartment, chilled for a bit till Meg got back. He took off, but will be back again tomorrow with Kaitlin to drop some stuff off, and Meg took off to go babysit for the night. Hence my current freetime to actually write something in this blog haha. And now, we're here. I made some queso to go with the chips I bought the other day and am probably gonna go hook up my computer to the TV and go watch some Firefly. Or The Proposal or The Blindside. =p Oh, and we also have confirmation that Jo-C is alive after finding out that his brother is friends with Laura Pagels(oh the benefits of fb stalking), so hopefully we'll have a full apartment soon! And that is it for now I think.

kthnxbai

Home/Relationships: Pt. II-ish?

Disclaimer:

This post originally started with me just venting. Then it went on to describing the dynamics within my family during our arguments. I apologize for the overall dark tone, but hey, even in the dark...well, you know. If you don't want to read the negative nancy stuff, you can skip to the parts after the asterisks. =p

And now, for a complete reversal of moods....

p=

Sorry, that probably wasn't funny, was it? But seriously...(because I ain't no Regulus...)

(If you can't tell, I like to hide behind my humor)

I hate how sometimes...I hate being here. And I hate that feeling. Of course, there are things I love about this place like its familiarity...and I do love my family...but I would be happy if we could go more than a day without arguing or having someone blow up at someone else. I mean, it's things like this that I feel are the reasons I've never had a very close relationship with my parents and the reasons I feel uncomfortable opening up to them, or rather, the reason I don't want to open up to them. My brother, I love the crap out of him. We fought quite a bit when we were younger, but in the more recent years, especially my later years of high school, we grew a lot closer. Oddly enough, a big reason that we grew closer together was because of our arguments with our parents. We would usually have the other's back when a dispute arose. However, if we felt the other was being dumb/stubborn as we can tend to be, we'd always say so. I dunno why arguments occur so often in our house. I mean, I guess I do, but seriously...they're so unnecessary. As for the why they happen, they're the mix of the growing up in not only different time periods, but completely different cultures altogether. Then there's the fact that we can all be stubborn as heck. And I'm pretty sure we all hate admitting when we're wrong, so arguments can take forever to resolve because neither side gives in. My mom and my brother also have ridiculously short fuses with their emotions. With my dad, it takes more for him to lose his temper, and a great majority of the time it stems from our mom being upset with us. My temper...well it hasn't really been tested in probably three years now...and I don't think any of you have ever seen me angry...but I've never really had any reason to be around you guys. My usual response to my parents' anger is sarcasm...which I suppose, only fuels the fire. I've definitely been called a smart-ass several times and have been told on countless occasions that my mouth was going to get me slapped/punched in the face one day ha. And often, my outward reactions come off as indifferent, so it seems that I don't care about things...but...I dunno. I have trouble with that area.

This probably sounds like I'm bashing my parents huh? I'm really not trying to though. This is just how our family has interacted with one another through the years. And although our mom often has a lot to do with these disputes, I know she has a lot of things going on in life, especially with other family problems and financial stresses, that on top of her already short fuse, do not help things...but it's still tough on the rest of the family, especially my brother, who is so much more sensitive and open about his emotions than I am. I worry about how he and our mom get along during the school year when I'm not there because I know that both of them are easily stressed and both don't hesitate to vocalize their feelings which can be a very volatile combination. But yeah...I think I've been depressing you guys enough already.

Lately, I've been praying to the Holy Spirit, imploring Him(/It?) for the gift of understanding within our family. Because understand one another we do not (Yoda much?). Along with that, I've been praying to Mary that as I grow closer to her and come to know her as a mother, that I may also grow closer to my own mother, to strengthen the bond between us. And along with prayer, this will require a conscious effort for me to do my part, to be a good, obedient, understanding son.

*******

Some quick asides:

I love music. Surprise right? haha. It definitely helped me keep my cool tonight as I had been listening to some praise and worship stuff before the whole spiel happened and then as I was writing this. Otherwise, this might have just been one big rant...oh wait...aha.

One nice thing that did happen tonight...I had a chat on facebook with Liz for the first time in...probably over a year or so haha. Most of our contact over the past year has been through relatively short facebook messages, so it was nice to have an actual (using that term loosely) conversation for the first time in awhile. I mean, I did get to see her in person back in March when we saw Phantom, but that was rather brief and we didn't converse as much as I'd have liked then.

So funny backstory...as all of you know, I spend a ridiculous time on facebook...and also as most of you know, I hardly ever get on chat unless someone needs me to or unless I have something important for school coming up. =p So the main reason I'd stopped using fb chat the last year was because she had stopped using it as well and I never really chatted with anyone else (this was at the beginning of the year). Plus, with the amount of time I'd been spending online anyways, I didn't need more distractions. Lately, I've left it open just because I've been bored quite often here at home and various other reasons, so it was just a nice surprise getting to talk to her again tonight especially since she like never gets on fb chat haha. Which was interesting to have because my parents were definitely trying to have a talk with my brother and I while I was attempting to chat at the same time...but yeah. Dunno why I shared that, but I just felt like I should aha.

**note that this does not imply old feelings resurfacing, just a bit more background on past me and my silliness**

Also, our family is going to a wedding in oh...7 hours. I should probably get to bed now. It's the wedding of my mom's co-worker's daughter. My mom is really good friends with the bride's mother, but the rest of us have met her just like once or twice, and haven't seen any of their family in years...so it should be interesting...but I enjoy weddings at least. Although it'll be interesting to see how this one works out as it sounds like it will be a very small ceremony. Apparently the best men had backed out, and they had to get rid of the bridesmaids...I don't really know all of the details. And I don't think it's a Catholic wedding, so there won't be the rest of the mass being celebrated along with the marriage. But nonetheless, two people giving themselves to one another for life (God willing)...It's hard to find words to properly describe just how amazing that is (I feel like I have a future blog entry running along these lines not too long from now haha).

Anywho, it's 4:42AM...and you are LOVED!

((now Arch-)Bishop Aymond used to say that all of the time =))

-Appletree

Mas Respuestas

Since it looks like there are no more questions, here's the rest of my answers. And if anything does pop up, I'll just concatenate it to the end of this.

Thank you to the super totally awesome Bailey Maeve for these. =)

favorite harry potter (book & movie...and they can be different lol) and why.

Hmmm....so as far as the books go, my recent re-reading of them has gotten me to view them more as one big story as opposed to 7 individual ones. It's awesome to see how things in earlier books foreshadow or reference things in later books. Or how characters which annoy the heck out of you in the early books end up playing more vital roles later on in the series. However, if I were to choose a favorite book...I would definitely go with The Half-Blood Prince.

I think my favorite thing about HBP is all of the background stories it includes. I love learning more about characters and their pasts and seeing how they came to be how they are. The whole story of the Gaunt family and Voldemort's origins as well as flashes from his childhood and time at Hogwarts are favorites of mine in particular. You also get to see the darker sides of Draco and Snape, two characters we've come to know and loathe...unadulteratedly. xD The whole build up of the ending and how it sets up the seventh book perfectly is just so...ahhhh---awesome. Snape's "DON'T CALL ME A COWARD!" line is one of my favorite lines in the series along with Mrs. Weasley's "NOT MY DAUGHTER....!", and I'm soooo incredibly perturbed that it wasn't in the movie along with several other things left out (or added in...). And zombies? Yes, please.

Favorite Movie? I think I'd have to go with Order of the Phoenix. The woman they got to play Umbridge was pretty spot on leaving me constantly wanting to punch her in the face during the whole movie. The fireworks scene with Fred and George is one of my favorites from the movies even if it was missing a swamp...and Firenze... This movie also has the return of Sirius and Lupin, two of my favorite characters from the Potterverse. =)....=(

Luna Lovegood also makes her debut in this movie....I love her. Her quirkiness and awkwardness, while being completely oblivious to all of it the whole time...Evanna Lynch does an amazing job portraying her. She's easily one of my favorite characters in the movie series. Seriously, just based off of the movies alone, I'd rather have her end up with Harry. I mean, those scenes are just awkward...and I dunno if I'm really sold on Bonnie Wright as Ginny. I mean, I guess she looks the part...but yeah. I suppose we'll see how that goes next movie(DH)...Oh and the scene at the end at the Ministry of Magic, especially when Dumbledore and Voldemort start to duel, is quite epic.

childhood dream? like the what do you wanna be when you grow up?

You know, I was never one of those kids who really knew what they wanted to do with their lives. I'm still not exactly sure what I want to do even now haha. When I was little, I used to say I wanted to be an engineer like my uncle, who passed away about three years ago. And look where I am now, studying to become a biomedical engineer aha. But in between then and now, I never really had any "dreams" or anything I really aspired to be. There may have been a really brief period in elementary where I wanted to be an astronaut or something, and I suppose for a short while when I was first learning guitar back in 8th grade or so, I thought being a musician would be fun. Then in early high school, up until about sometime junior year, I'd considered going pre-med at that other school...And then we're back to now.

I think rather than childhood dreams, my childhood wants, or want I suppose, was just to have better social skills. I was pretty much labeled one of the "smart kids" from 3rd grade on, which I guess wasn't completely untrue and I didn't really mind it all that much, but I was never really happy with my communication skills. I think I've improved a decent amount in that area, but it definitely still shows itself from time to time. Oh, and funny side story about that, for the required experiment hours in my intro to psychology class, I participated in one dealing with fear of public speaking. It was definitely interesting. And I'm drifting off topic a bit now, so I think I'll stop. =p

The following is from Wayne Wang. Domo arigato (haha I had to...xD).

haha maybe this is just weird or too personal but from while listening to the Heavenwards cd and talking to a friend, I just started tearing up about pains (like my friend and his brother/twin lost their dad when they were pretty young). So what are some pretty heavy pains that shaped who you are today?

Haha don't worry about asking anything 'too personal'. I mean, the reason I have this blog is because it's a lot easier and wayyyy more comfortable for me to share things. Otherwise, it'd be a rather awkward, inarticulate conversation...or lack thereof. =p And if I feel it is a more private thing, I'll just do like a fb message or something haha.

Now on to the question...as far as "heavy pains" go...This is a weird one for me because emotional pain isn't really something I've experienced that much. Like, I kind of feel desensitized to things that happen around me. That is, I don't ever react to things like I feel I should or how a "normal" person would. Maybe too many violent movies and video games? aha. But I dunno...I suppose pains I've gone through...I've always had an interesting relationship with my parents. Like, I know they love me, and I love them, but holy crap can we get into arguments. It's gotten better over the past year or so, but senior year...especially once summer came around...I basically tried to get out of the house as much as possible haha. I suppose my being away from them for nine or so months each year for the past two years has helped things. That probably sounds weird, but there's definitely a lot less tension in the house now. We still have little spats every now and then, but I think we're getting better at handling those. I don't know if this really counts as a 'pain', but as bad as this may sound, my parents were definitely one of the biggest stress factors in my life for a great portion of my adolescence. I've just never had as strong of a connection with them as I wished I could have. A lot of that is on me though. And I've always struggled with being open with them about anything although that's a kind of in general attribute for me haha. It's definitely one area I need work in.

So that probably didn't really answer your question properly...but I don't feel that things like pain are what shape me. Or at least not as of now. The biggest influences on my life are easily my friends, and I've been so lucky...no, not lucky, blessed to have so many amazing people in my life. Seriously. I love you guys. And this process of formation is of course an on going process as God continues to place people and events in my life. =) I am the clay; You are the potter.

Respuestas! Pt. I

If more questions come in, I'll answer in additional posts, but as this one got quite lengthy already...

And thank you to the ever lovely Kayla for these questions. =)

What is your FAVORITE musical and elaborate one why. You can only pick ONE.

Hmmm...so this is a real tough one for me as usually end up loving any musical I end up seeing...I would say that Rent and Wicked are a definitive all time top two. However, since I have to pick one...I think I have to go with Rent.

Why Rent? Well firstly, Rent was my first musical obsession and is largely responsible for my love of musicals in general. It took over my car's CD player from pretty much the start of senior year till around December when Hairspray finally found its way into circulation haha. I think, at the time, it was a lot easier of a musical for me to get into than others. I mean, it was less...musical-ly, or rather, what people normally think of when they think of "musicals" with it having a more 'rock' feel to a lot of its songs.

And THE MUSIC! The songs are so different from one another, but they all come together to make something so friggin' amazing. You go from rocking out and screaming "we're not gonna pay!" with the title song, to laughing while singing along to the ever so vulgar but ridiculuosly catchy La Vie Boheme, then almost coming to tears when Jesse L. Martin performs the I'll Cover You reprise (which was one of the most emotional scenes in a musical I'd seen before seeing Next to Normal). I don't think I can pick a favorite song from it, and when I try, it changes almost every time haha. Basically, I love everything about this musical. Everything. Oh did I mention that the whole cast in the movie version is freaking amazing? I feel like I'm starting to ramble...so moving on...

Tell your faith story. You know, when did you fully buy into the whole God thing. and perhaps why you love Catholicism, for good measure.

Hmm...well I'm a "cradle Catholic", so Catholicism I've never really known too much outside of it. My mom probably had the biggest influence on my faith life growing up. She taught me most of the basic prayers and always made sure I was involved in church. Like, I was an altar server all the way from 3rd grade till I graduated high school haha. And I'd been involved with children's choirs sporadically throughout the years till finally becoming a more solidified member of the youth choir my junior and senior years of high school. I still sing with them whenever I come back on breaks and have helped out every summer I've been back. =)

When did I "fully buy in to the whole God thing"? I don't think I've ever really questioned the existence of God...I mean, not that I don't ever think "what if...", but I tend to not dwell on those thoughts I suppose. However, up until about the summer after sophomore year of high school, I didn't really have much of a personal connection with God. Like, I just didn't feel all that close to Him and really hadn't too often before then. What changed that you ask? Well, that summer I decided to go with some others from our church youth group on a retreat down in Victoria, TX.

D-Week (Discipleship Week) was a four day retreat kind of out in the middle of nowhere. We stayed in small cabin-like dorms for the four days, and that year the mosquitoes were out in especially strong forces. It was on this retreat that I had my first experiences with Adoration. I'll admit, it was kind of weird for me the first night because I'd never really been exposed to anything like that before, but the second night was just amazing. Right before we went to Adoration, we had Reconciliation which I think set up the rest of the night perfectly. Having all 80ish of us retreatants in that small room just praising and worshiping in song, some in tears, it was just...beautiful. You could feel God's presence in the room. And of course, see Him since it was Adoration after all haha. But really, I've had few experiences as powerful as that one. After LA 45, I'd say that was the best retreat I'd been on. I found my favorite Bible verse there as well (Ps 28:7) =) .

Why do I love Catholicsism? Well D-Week was definitely a springboard for me to dive deeper into my faith life. From this experience, I grew to love Adoration and praise and worship, especially when combined. =) Out of this love for Adoration, I came to have a newer and greater appreciation for and understanding of the Eucharist. And from there, I came to love the Mass. Coming to UT, I was afraid I might fall out of touch with my faith life, so I made it a point to go to daily mass every day my first semester. This helped me a lot because it gave me some time in the middle of the day where I could get away from school and whatever else was on my mind and just spend time with God. Every semester since, I've tried to fit my schedule around daily mass. And even last semester, when I had class during it, I'd sometimes (ok, more than 'sometimes'...) skip class and go to mass instead haha. I'd convince myself it was a better use of my time...which I still don't disagree with...The mass is probably one of the most beautiful things in our faith I think. And the fact that you can go to anywhere else in the world and still participate in mass is amazing. I've been to a few Filipino masses when we've visited the Philpippines, and it was pretty cool other than not being able to understand most of the homily haha. Another thing that's really quite amazing that I really need to take advantage of a lot more often is reconciliation. Forgiveness, in general, is a pretty big deal. But being forgiven for your sins?? I mean, that's kinda mind blowing. And there are so many more things I could probably add...but this post is looking long enough. xp

Do the list of 25 things that give your life meaning like I did on my blog.

That actually looks realllllly intimidating at the moment, and if I did do it, it would definitely require its own post haha. So maybe in the future.

Preguntas?

So I was browsing blogger like I usually do every day, and it hit me that it has been almost a month since I last posted. Slacker much? Anyways, since I don't really know what to write about, I figured I'd let you do that for me. =p Kinda stole this idea off of espn, where the guy who covers the Big 12-ish conference (which I probably check 20 times a day) answers questions that his readers send in.

Basically, you ask questions below, and I'll answer them in my next post. There's not really any certain topic for this, so just ask whatever you'd like. This is also kind of my way of not caving in to getting a formspring haha. xp

Don't tell me not to fly...I've simply got to.

Well...I had been working on a Glee medley thingy in honor of the end of the first season, but my brother is currently asleep...so I'm compensating by listening to Glee instead. And I figure while doing so I might as well write as I promised to do so. =p

Hmm...so life lately. Well the first couple of weeks back I spent a lot of time missing Austin and especially the people there (most of whom actually aren't there atm) which kinda put me in a little slump. I mean, it's not that I was depressed or anything, I just got rather lazy and this began to translate over into my spiritual life. This spiritual slump is something I went through last summer which was rather sad as I had ended the year on a pretty high note. And I don't want that to happen again, so I've decided to fix that.

How am I going about this you ask? Well to start off, I've started saying this St. Jude (becamse I myself am a lost cause =) )novena that I got from Keith E. as a gift the past awakening. It's been really nice and making myself start and end each day with prayer has just been awesome. I've always struggled with starting the day off with prayer, and you really notice a difference when you do and when you don't. So even when this novena is over, I'm going to make a conscious effort to start off each day with some sort of prayer.

Another awesome thing that's just come up recently that will definitely help in my spiritual life is that I've been asked by my old youth minister, Doug Weisbruch, to help out with the high school youth group at our church over the summer. Seriously, what better opportunity to not only strengthen my faith life, but to help others grow in theirs at the same time? Also, I'm going to be helping out with the guys' bible study (they separated genders since they'll have different topics) which should be really good as I've been slacking quite a bit in the bible reading department since starting college.

As the summer progresses, I'm hoping to build on this and maybe return to school having had grown deeper in faith as opposed to having fallen back a bit? That'd be nice haha.

Hmm this is a bit shorter than I thought it'd be. I started this like 3-4 hours ago, but got distracted by YouTube. Again. Namely live Glee videos. =D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7l47-Zlh0qA

On second glance, this really isn't that short haha. Yay! =p

And it's almost 5 am. Eek!

IOU

This is just a reminder for me to write something before the weekend's out. I've been kinda slacking since school let out haha. I've wanted to write something, and it's not like I haven't had the time to...Goodness knows I've been sleeping/bumming around wayyy too much lately. I just haven't set aside time to reflect on things and have been wasting too much time. So if anybody reads this, and I don't have anything posted by Monday...Feel free to scold me. =)

P.S. Computer parts should come in tomorrow. Score.

O.o

You know the way for me, you know the time

into your hands I trustingly place mine.

Your plan is perfect, born of perfect love.

You know the way for me, that is enough.

It's funny...stuff happens in your life, and you think God's telling you one thing, you think you know what you want, then next thing you know, He pulls a complete 180 on you, and you're like"wdtem?"

But then again, there's the times when you read too much into things. So again, wdtem?

...For I want my whole life to be nothing else

than a continuous, and everlasting yes

to the wishes, to the will of God,

the Eternal Father.

This is my desire, to be used by You.

Weathering the Storm...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-he2DohfwWE

Hold Us Together by Matt Maher

It don't have a job
Don't pay your bills
Won't buy you a home
In Beverly Hills

Won't fix your life
In five easy steps
Ain't the law of the land
Or the government

But it's all you need..

Love, will, hold us together
Make us a shelter to weather the storm

And I'll, be, my brothers keeper
So the whole world will know
That we're not alone

It's waiting for you
Knockin' at your door
Every moment of truth
When your heart hits the floor

When you're on your knees then...

Love, will, hold us together
Make us a shelter
to weather the storm

And I'll, be, my brothers keeper
So the whole world will know
That we're not alone

This is the first, day of the rest of your life
This is the first, day of the rest of your life
'Cause even in the dark you can still see the light
It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright

Love, will, hold us together
Make us a shelter
to weather the storm

And I'll, be, my brothers keeper
So the whole world will know
That we're not alone

I love this song

Sometimes...

we get so caught up in our own lives...in our own problems...that we fail to see what's going on with those around us. And that really is a fail. An epic one. I want to always be someone people can come to if there's something bothering them...I mean, I might not always know what to say, but I want to be there to at least listen...or just be there...if...there is a load...that you have to bear...

*cue Lean On Me*

Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box...

So, I'm sitting here listening to Owl City since it's usually my pick-me-up music, but instead, it just sent my mind on a wild rampage of thinking haha. *sigh* I wish I could just stop over-analyzing everything. It's an annoying problem of mine. I mean really, it's dumb and causes unnecessary stress and anxiety haha. (Ok, switching from OC to angsty/ventable N2N(actually, that's not helping either...))

*twenty minutes later*

So I was unable to vent on the piano(my preferred choice) because my roomie and his girlfriend are currently asleep, so...I decided to turn off my music...and just pray. Offer it all up. And what do you know? It helped! haha who'da thunk it? But really. My head's rather shut up at the moment. It's nice. =)

And since I did title this blog with lyrics from The Beatles...

I find myself in times of trouble...Mother Mary comes to me.

Speaking words of wisdom...Let It Be.

^^That is something I need to work on.

**Thoughts 12 hours later**

I'm silly. That is all.

**back to life**

I Love:

The Rosary. And Mass. And Jesus. And singing. And my friends. And palm crosses.

These are a few of my favorite things...that made tonight so good.

That is all. =)

Relationships: The Quadrilogy

So....it's been a good while since I've actually posted an entry. I've actually began a few entries, but none of them ever got to a finalized state haha. I was thinking about this last night (along with many other things), and I think it's because I'm being more self-conscious about what I write here now that people other than KJ know this blog exists(thank you Wayne Wang & Allyson =p) and might actually read it. O.o But that shouldn't bother me...so I'm not going to let it haha. Also, blogging takes up a lot of time, and it's hard to find not only just enough time to, but to be in the mood to...Anywho, enough rambling...on to the real stuff...

*Post finishing edit: This is more of a backstory to my life prior to college. I don't really share much about it with people, but here goes...(cue 'I Should Tell You')*

Relationships. Such complicatedly beautiful things. Or is it beautifully complicated? Or am I just being redundant? haha. Anyways...(I want some waffle fries...fo' free...(I keep getting distracted! >_<)) relationships have always been a weird area of my life. Not just the boyfriend-girlfriend kind (not that I have any room to speak there as I've never had a girlfriend), but those between friends, family, etc. Growing up, I never really had a "best friend". From like middle school through high school, I was one of the "smart kids", very socially awkward, and had trouble keeping a conversation going with people. This was pretty much the story up till about junior year of high school. I mean I had several good friends once high school came around, but our main connection was the topic of video games haha. This is also probably why I had almost no female friends up till that point. I mean, I'd had the same crush from 7th grade through 10th grade which never amounted to anything because I always got nervous when talking to said person haha.

Something rather pathetic about sophomore year...I used to frequent this music forum where I spent a good deal of time browsing/posting on. This forum was probably what started off my whole addiction to the internet. And seriously, I probably had as many friends on there as I did irl/school haha. The realization of this made me see how lame I was and how I wasted pretty much a whole year of school (half of which I slept away). So before junior year came around, I told myself I was going to make more friends. Particularly female ones and even set the goal of having a girlfriend(looking back on this, it just sounds silly haha). And oddly enough, by the time senior year came around I had probably more female friends than guy ones. Still no girlfriend though. I mean, the concept of having good female friends was still new to me. I still had trouble communicating well with people, and the first attempt at the whole girlfriend thing was an epic fail and was followed by a few months of awkwardness. Fun times especially since we both had tennis together every day. xp So after giving up on that situation (a few months afterwards), I decided to not force the issue of finding a girlfriend, but decided that I'd just go with the flow, and whatever happened happened. Not too long after this, I began to notice my friend (who I'd had a bit of a crush on the year before, but then got distracted from/more distant from because of the previously mentioned person), but alas, I discovered she was dating someone already. This kinda bummed me out, but in attempts to make up for the time I spent ignoring her (another dumb idea of mine) I started talking to her more to at least bring back our friendship. This actually went rather well.

Going off on a small tangent, senior year I had my first experience of people liking me. And me actually knowing haha. Me being me, I had no idea really how to handle this. Especially since I liked another person at the moment. And I didn't reciprocate their feelings...one actually kind of approached me about it(online), but then she realized I liked someone else...I think I handled it as best as I could at the time though...

Back to the previous topic...so after restoring the friendship between Liz and I...(haha yeah...name...I know >.<) life was going pretty well. So another goal I'd made for senior year was to go to prom. I was going to go junior year...with Liz, but then she'd already been asked, and I didn't know who to ask/was too chicken to ask anyone else...so of course, me being me, I didn't. So prom was getting near...and I was thinking "ok, you're not going by yourself because that would be lame." *when I talk to myself, I talk in second person* So this situation was bugging me like crazy because I wanted to go with Liz, but she was still dating that guy. Prom kept getting closer and closer...I was a day away from asking someone else... like seriously haha. But kept putting it off because there was a little part of me still hoping. I get home that afternoon, check fb, see a new message, and funnily enough, it's a message from Liz telling me that she and her bf broke up. I jumped in excitement on the inside. I know that sounds mean, but...why would she tell me that? So I'm like "Sweet! Prom problem solved!" But then the question of "How long do I wait to ask her?" because of the whole she just broke up with her boyfriend situation. But I did eventually, in the lamest way/situation possible during calc class when we were alone-ish enough, and she said...she'd have to think about it. xp But thankfully, that eventually turned into a yes. =p

Now, you're probably wondering why I didn't ask her out officially...well being seniors and whatnot, we were all deciding on where we were going from here(college and whatnot)...so I'd been accepted to UT and already for sure going here while she was up in the air. It was down to UT and Arkansas...well she didn't apply for housing early like you should have because she wasn't sure if she was coming here...so the only housing she could get was supplemental or at a co-ed dorm, and her mom wanted her in a girl only dorm...so she ended up deciding to go to Arkansas. Which of course bummed the heck out of me. Like the whole time I'd said to myself, "If she picks UT, you're going to ask her out." But alas...that didn't pan out. And I was like, "if I ask her out and something does happen, it'd only be for a few months before she goes off to Arkansas, and then what?" And that's about as close to a girlfriend I'd come in life haha. She's still one of my best friends from high school. We stayed in touch a lot last year though not as much this year. She is also greatly responsible for my obsession with: musicals(namely Wicked), Pride & Prejudice, Audrey Hepburn/older movies, Taylor Swift/Motion City Soundtrack/The Beatles, chickflicks, the song "Lucky", and a lot of other things. We haven't kept in touch as much this year due to both of us being rather busy, but I did get to see her, for the first time since Wicked in August, this past Friday at Phantom when she was back for Spring Break which was nice. =) But I think we're just good friends now. And I'm perfectly happy with that because I've learned so much from this. As I do with every new relationship I form with a person. Hence why I love meeting new people and getting to know them. Even if I am a bit awkward at it at first still haha.

Well this was a bit of a backstory to my life. Haha goodness that was long. See? This is why I don't blog often. =p But if I do get around to it, I'll finish the other parts to this-relationships with: my family, friends, and ultimately, God.

I hope you survived reading that. Haha I'm scared to post this. Ah well...

-nin-Justin J-town Appletree

P.S.

And then I found $5.